Thursday, January 1, 2015

it has been answered.

i want to be a better person to you. but i didn't get chance . i wanna be part of your life. but i accept that it is just a day dream. you already have someone else in your heart. i wanna be your special person in your life. but i didn't get the chance, though. i really wish that one day it would be real between us. but is too late. his heart is not belong to me. 

it belongs to someone else. it was my first confession truly from my heart. and it was the first time my love rejected . it was awful. i cried like hell last night. i kept istighfar and even ask forgiveness from Allah because i have loved someone else more than Him. Astaghfirullahalazim. Ya Allah please forgive me. it seems that it was a nightmare to me.

 i just been sincere last night. all that i said was true. no filter and lies. it was come from my heart. but i need to accept it with a whole of my heart. i know i can't bear it but i have too. even it tough for me, its too pain for me, i accept what will i face. i just hope that he always happy. even not with me. i need to accept the fact. if we're meant to be, then Allah will ease everything. 

if we're not, i accept it openly. sometimes, people will come and go from our life. including love. i must strong even it will take a long time to forget everything. i need Your guides , Ya Allah. life must go on. life must continue even we still unclear with our future. we have to face it as strong as we can. we have to move on.

i must go on.

i must move on. 

i have faith in myself. insya Allah i can do it. Ya Allah , please give me a lot of strengths. i need it. 

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Sunday, December 21, 2014



Seriously, i do love you, i do like you, i do want to meet you, i do really adore you. AND I LOVE YOU SO MUCH. until every breathe i take, i only think about you. i just can't stop to think about you, dream about you every second, if i get the chance. i really want to meet you even right now. 

aku suka kau, sayang kau, cinta kau.... sejak dari kecil aku rasa benda yang sama. aku pernah sayang, suka, and sampai sekarang would i say aku cinta hang. selain aku cinta Allah SWT dan Rasulullah SAW, serta my family, kau tergolong sekali. aku pernah benci kau, benci sangat, benci gila-gila. orang kata, kalau benci seseorang, jangan benci sampai nak mampus, nanti boleh jatuh hati. but i did. i used to hate you once, but finally, i am powerfully love you. kau sangat baik dengan aku dulu. pernah time birthday aku, hang lah orang terakhir yang wish kat aku. satu jam setengah jugak kita on the phone that time. i was really appreciate your effort of that time. you told me everything even berkaitan dengan ex girlfriend hang. i was just holding on. bila hang cakap pasal gf hang, aku tahan. cemburu tu almost thousand times. but i kept holding on. and hang cerita kat aku yang hang broke up dengan dia. aku encouraged hang to get back with her, even my tears just wanted to drop at the time, i endured it. aku buat macam tu sebab aku tau, hang suka sayang dia sangat. aku just nak tengok hang bahagia disamping orang yang hang sayang. tapi alangkah bahagia kalau orang itu adalah aku. you have admitted that you knew i was in love with you, but you couldn't accept because there's a reason. i just don't know why, perhaps because we are related as a sibling and cousin as well. but, i didn't care all of that. it's all about my heart, feeling and thought. i just couldn't hold it again. 

you were very kind to me .. you were always text me, called me. i really wanted that happened again. you told me that you wouldn't have any gf again. i was glad if you say so. i just kept my heart to be patient, i told myself maybe there would have miracle between us. besides i prayed so hard and even ask if there's chance upon us, then let it happened. i just love to be closed with him. 

and finally, aku terjumpa tweet hang dengan seorang perempuan. you two looked too closed. i wondered what were your state with her. aku nak tau sangat . aku hanya consider both of you are being as friend. 

but, i just got a news from my sister, mengatakan yang hang bawa seorang perempuan berjumpa dengan parents hang. aku terasa nak rebah. tapi aku kawal riak muka aku dan aku pura-pura eager nak tahu sebab aku kena buat macam tu. untuk menahan rasa sedih di hati. my sister told macam mana muka dia, and ternyata, that girl.................. i have known it. i opened your instagram, and i saw you have tagged someone on your picture. it was her again. there was no doubt between both of you. you guys have something. even when your family visit you at your university, she comes to see your family as well,. what is the relationship between both of you. 

i have kept this feeling almost 6 years without you know. but i acknowledge that you were. my bestfriends told me to move on. but for me its so hard to move on, because you are my first love. how can i forget about first love? HOW ???!!! it is very hard than i thought. i have tried a lot of ways and there's no way i could forget about you. it was too suffer for me. i just want you to be my first and last love, but there's no chance. you just can be my first love, but it too far to be my last love, because i have to move on. i need to move on. 

after this i wish that i will not going to see you again. i just don't want the feeling comes back when i meet you. just please be gone from my life. even i have loved you for a long time ago, i just want you to know that i very love you.. i don't want to be separated with you, but i have too. i need tosee you, but i force to not being like that. it's all for my sake for you. i sacrifice my love for you just to see you happy with someone that deserve to stay in your heart . even i didn't have the chance and opportunity to stay longer in heart, i just want you to know, that i have loved you for a long time ago. and i will be gone in your sight ...... i will gone. i promise. may Allah bless both of us with happiness . amin. 

Mrs Brooke. 

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